Some years ago, then-seminarian, now priest, Daniel Scheidt wrote:
The Church tacitly sums up [the priest’s] identity and proposes him to the world in a single word—”Father.” And the world, however unreflectively, actually assumes this form of address as its own in speaking to him. Moreover, despite all efforts in the Church to identify the priest primarily with any of his various functions—liturgical presider, preacher of the Word, spiritual counselor, theological expert, collaborator in ministry, parish administrator, servant-leader, shepherd, promoter of social justice—the instinctive sense of the faithful, nonetheless, inevitably returns to the essential, “Good morning, Father.”
A priest, then, is before all else, a father. And a seminary rector is a father of fathers, a father par excellence, helping to form our future fathers. Thus, it stands to reason that the formation of families should teach us about good seminary formation—should provide lessons for how to form the men who become our future spiritual fathers.
The converse is also true. The lessons born from the good formation of men in seminary can and should be able to provide fathers and mothers with lessons and aids in raising their children. It is of these lessons and their meaning for families that Fr. Carter Griffin writes so beautifully in his new book, Forming Families, Forming Saints. Fr. Griffin, Rector of the St. John Paul II Seminary in Washington, D.C., mines his many years as a priestly formator for models and lessons applicable to families and the home. He writes, “What if the millennia-old insights of the Church in forming human beings,” especially in priestly and religious formation, “could be condensed and recast in a twenty-first century context? That is the aim of this book.” In Forming Families, Fr. Griffin aims to “recapitulat[e] . . . the deliberate, insightful, comprehensive formation in which the Church has been engaged for centuries” and offer it for the vocational work of the home, the domestic Church. As Griffin argues, there “is no reason why such formation need be hidden or limited to priests and religious. In fact, there are many lessons from such formation that could benefit every Catholic mother and father.” The starting and ending point of Forming Families is Jesus Christ as made present through time and space in his Church and how the perennial wisdom of the Church can help make him present in families. Fr. Griffin’s book aims to show how the family can serve Christ in faithfulness and holiness and become a privileged way for others to come to meet, know, and love Christ.
To share these treasures with his readers, Fr. Griffin leads them through the four pillars of seminary formation—human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral—gleaning concrete, practical lessons from each that families can apply in their daily lives. Within each of the pillars (the last of which is recast as “apostolic formation”), he focuses on five specific topics, lessons, or virtues. For instance, within the pillar of human formation, Fr. Griffin spends time discussing order, chastity, and fortitude, among others. With respect to spiritual formation, he treats such topics as our call to be children of God, the Eucharist, and the role of Angels and Saints. On the question of intellectual formation, he addresses the importance of prudence, spiritual reading, and beauty. And within apostolic formation, Fr. Griffin attends to topics such as love for souls and apologetics. Within each topic under each pillar, he highlights a saint who illustrates the particular virtue in action and recommends specific practices and questions that couples can engage in order to orient their family life towards the pillar and topic at issue. In all four pillars, Fr. Griffin offers testimonies from parents he has come to know in his pastoral work.
Beginning in wonder, in enchantment, allows us to see reality as it is, to see Christ present in everything.
The effect is deep, rich, and practical. Forming Families is never moralistic; rather, it shows that the practices and virtues which Fr. Griffin commends to us spring from the encounter with Christ in his Church. To live this out in the family, one must begin with a supernatural outlook, which is not about denying reality, but seeing things truly as they are. Fr. Griffin writes, “[S]eeing with the lens of faith is not like putting on sunglasses. . . . [S]unglasses are the opposite of corrective lenses. They change our perception of reality to make it more comfortable, whereas prescription lenses correct our vision to see reality more accurately.” It is this sort of supernatural vision that allows us to “see the greatness that reverberates in the smallest detail of our lives.” It allows us to adopt a “deeply contemplative way” of living and “recover [] the sense of astonishment that many [of us] have lost.” Beginning in wonder, in enchantment, allows us to see reality as it is, to see Christ present in everything.
In a very real way, then, Forming Families is about attending to the reality that is already present for our families. It is a manual on how to draw out this reality and how to provide each family with a toolkit to guide and govern the road towards Christ, who is already here.
Fr. Griffin gently but firmly points out that one of the surest practical ways of doing this is by “protecting children from excessive exposure to screens” and providing children the “simple experiences of real things.” He observes, “When parents refrain from giving younger children smartphones and access to social media, however demanding and inconvenient that may be, they are giving a gift that will reap enormous rewards in their children’s lives.” And he encourages families to band together in such resolutions against screens and to find ways to experience “three-dimensional reality through family hikes, outdoor play, physical labor, and works of service.” Such activities, he affirms, allow children to “connect with reality in powerful, visceral ways.”
Father Griffin’s book is above all practical and flexible. It is never rigid. One can tell by the book’s content—as anyone who has experienced Fr. Griffin’s pastoral work, as I have, can attest—that Fr. Griffin is a gentle and loving father. His method is never harsh, never formulaic. He provides guideposts within which freedom can flourish and chart its own path. As Fr. Griffin advises, “We must establish clear priorities for our lives. Above all, though, we must learn to practice flexible firmness in maintaining our standards of order.”
A concrete example of the sort of balance that permeates Forming Families comes in its description of sincerity. Fr. Griffin writes:
Sincerity allows our blemishes (and our virtues, for that matter) to be known. It means opening up about our faults, our temptations, and our hidden grievances, as well as our joys, our hopes, and our dreams. It means being transparent, allowing light to shine into the soul. . . .
Above all, sincerity is nurtured by fostering an environment of trust. We instinctively open up to those whom we know have our best interests at heart. Trust, even for parents, must be earned, especially as children mature towards adolescence and beyond. . .
[E]ssential to building a culture of sincerity is openness to children’s individual temperaments, preferences, and goals. Children will instinctively know when you secretly (or overtly) desire them to conform to an image, a set of preconceived expectations for them. It is hard to divest ourselves of such expectations, and some soul-searching by parents may be needed.
Forming Families is filled with this kind of rich balance.
Indeed, Forming Families is an indispensable resource for any Catholic family looking to grow in prayer, holiness, and joyful service to Christ and his Church. But more than that, it is a gift for all those who want their families to flourish humanly. My only regret, as I read Forming Families, was that I didn’t have this book when my children were younger. But I am glad to be able to commend it as a great gift and guide for any family journeying through this world.
